Preparing to Leave Lockup: Day 53
In Italy, there will be new restrictions lifted on Monday. As of May 4th, we can be more than 200 meters from our house. Which means we can go outside to exercise, not just go to the grocery store, pharmacy or doctor. Later in the month stores will open. As part of Phase II eventually the bars and restaurants will be open and life in the piazza will return, if in a modified, post-virus way. Although this is something I have looked forward to, I Phase II now not only as a cause for celebration but with a combined feeling of trepidation and concern.
In psychology there is a phenomena called the approach-avoidance conflict. It happens when there is a goal that has both positive and negative characteristics that make the goal simultaneously compelling and repellant. We may start out approaching the distant goal with positive feelings- oh, great the restrictions are going to be lifted. Can’t wait for this to happen- but then as we get closer to the goal, the negative aspects of the goal seem to grow and become more threatening-what if this brings back the virus, what if I get sick from it- or worse, what if I die- and suddenly a desire to avoid the goal shows up. I think this tension describes how many of us feel now. There is a strong desire to move toward freedom, but fearful that this freedom will once again unleash the virus, and we will end up right back where we started, or worse.
Many years ago I was a chaplain at a federal prison for women. It was part of a dissertation program in seminary that was supposed to last one semester and lasted four years. As the women approached their release date, some of them had anxiety about leaving the institution. Part of their anxiety was steeped in a fear for their physical safety. Would they reconnect with the people that got them in trouble in the first place? Many of them believed had they not been in prison they would be dead. But part of their fear was about leaving the institution that many of them said they hated. Prison was a predictable, safe, if painful environment for them, and yet it was scary for them to leave it. On the one hand, they wanted to see their children and connect with friends and family. On the other hand they weren’t sure how to build that life of choice when they were use to none.
And so we find ourselves in this unique position of being on the thresh hold of freedom. We want to open the door and step out. We want to see people we love once again. We have survived so far. We understand social distancing and correct hand washing techniques. We can’t stay locked up forever, even if it feels safe. We will do what it takes to keep ourselves safe in this new world. But will it be enough?
