My Italian American Life
My Italian/American Life
It seems to me that Italians and Americans are carrying on a long-term love affair with one another. Many Italians dream of traveling to the US, the land of opportunities, where what you know is more important than who you know. Americans, on the other hand, get a dazed look in their eyes when they think about exploring the rolling hills of Tuscany and the artistic cities of Florence, Venice and Rome. For Italians, the US represents the land of opportunity. For Americans, Italy is the embodiment of “la dolce vita.” As Freud said, “Love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness.”
I have the privilege of being a citizen of both countries. I obtained Italian citizenship through my grandfather by a process called “jure sanguinis” which means citizenship by descent, and I was born in Michigan and later transferred to California for work. Although I loved my life and work in California, when it came time to retire, my husband and I chose to make our retirement home in Italy. I have lived full time in Italy for 12 years; first in a small town in Umbria and now in Florence.
When I first moved to Italy, my American friends would frequently ask me if I had learned a lot about Italian culture. “No,” I would respond. “But I’ve learned a lot about American culture.” Initially not differentiating between universal and American ways of doing things caused me many headaches. For example, wouldn’t everyone in Italy want to improve an archaic and expensive bureaucratic process? I had ideas! I had suggestions! I had enthusiasm and that American “can-do” spirit. I discussed my ideas with a city bureaucrat working in the local town hall of our small town. I informed her that in the US we had something called a “checklist”. If used properly these could help to avoid numerous trips to her office and residents could appear one time with all of the documents they need. “I know about these check lists,” she told me. “But there is a problem. The list changes all the time. What a waste of time to make a list. It’s easier for you to walk over here. It’s just across the piazza. Plus I get to see you.” Uh, ok. Efficiency versus relationships.
Those first few years I kept bouncing against my American desire to “help” and my desire to fit into this new Italian culture. An example. There was a jazz club that opened in our small town, but the club had no outside sign indicating there was a club inside. Located within the old stone wall of the town, the club was a work of art inside. Arched brick ceilings, windows that let in natural light and wonderful music. Located down a dark alley, it was almost impossible to find at night. Why not put a sign up over the entrance, I suggested, announcing there is a jazz bar here. We don’t have enough customers to be able to afford a sign, came the answer. I just stared at them. The bar closed within 6 months. Love and work. The Italians are great at love which they often prioritize over work. The Americans, well that’s another story.
It has been about 9 years since I have spent any length of time back in the US, but I see Americans daily. First there is a very large American ex-pat community in Florence. Next there are about 10 million American tourists who arrive yearly to visit our city whose metro population is a little over 700,000. Impossible not to bump into, literally, one of those 10 million people.
There are also 15,000 American college students in Florence during any normal school year. They bring a joyful, puppy energy to the city. The enthusiasm of these young American tourists is contagious. Seeing the city through their eyes, reminds me again of how much I love the beauty and elegance of my new home. Returning to the US, I had this happy puppy image of Americans in my mind.
I flew into Tampa for an extended stay and then flew on to Denver. I was looking for that “can-do” American spirit of enthusiasm that I often bragged to my Italian friends about. We’re Americans, we can solve any problem. Once I landed, I started looking for the happy American puppies, those 20- or 30-year old’s that I see so often in Florence. They were there, but they all seemed to be locked up in their kennel/houses. I had left the land of love for the land of work. Were the puppies happy being locked up? Yes and no.
It seemed to me that the COVID lockdown has never ended in the US. Was anybody ever going back to their office? They told me they hoped not. “I like working at home in my P.J.s”, said by almost everyone except executive leadership. I asked them what it was like for a new person to join an organization that is completely online. They get used to it, they said with a shrug. They like working in their pjs too. Do you ever see your work collogues at night? Why would we? If we’re not in sales, we don’t do that.
With the social connections virtual, all that is left is the work, and these young Americans seemed generally irritated with it. Some comments I heard, “Oh, yes, my job is fine, but I’m bored with it. It’s time to do something else with my life.” “ I’m thinking of taking a year off and just traveling the world” “You’ll have to leave your bedroom to do that,” I jokingly said. They looked at me nonplused. “My boss is an idiot,” a normal complaint. “My coworkers have no idea what I’m doing,” this was new. “Would you change jobs?” “Sure if the work was remote and the pay was better. Why not?” Company loyalty seemed to be a thing of the quaint past. Is this lack of loyalty a consequence of remote work? Who knows.
This isolation, at work, is compounded by their new shopping habits. Anything you want you can get online sometimes within a few hours of the order, they told me. Don’t you miss going shopping and interacting with others, I asked? They looked at me as if I were daft. These young people deal with the world through their computers, and for many of them, it works. It is about the convenience, they kept explaining to me. Don’t you miss the connections? I would naively ask. We are connected they would say.
Once I got some Americans to take a break and talk to me, LIVE! And IN PERSON! They seemed edgy, anxious and a tad depressed. They reminded me of how I felt years ago when I quit smoking. So what’s going on with you? I would ask them. Ugh, the world is such a mess. You probably don’t understand because you live in Italy…as if I lived in a land of no internet or news…What’s the mess I asked. Oh my god, the wars, climate change, immigration out of control. The cost of things going up like crazy. Have you seen the prices? The country is totally polarized. You can’t talk to anybody about anything because you don’t know where they stand. Biden is too old and senile. Trump is crazy. Depending on your belief, either old man means the end to democracy. Why do we only have these two choices? Seemed the constant lament. Young America seemed like a country on the verge of a nervous breakdown. So many things that can’t be said, so much isolation, so much dissatisfaction with work and life in general.
Back to Italy. Young Italians whose focus is on love and family, seem to be having an easier emotional time adjusting to this time after Covid. Yes, they continue to lament the lack of opportunities in Italy. They study hard in school and try to find their niche where they can get a job. Life is not easy for them. They do not have employment opportunities like the US or even the rest of Europe. They are frustrated with the empty promises of the government. But they have no expectations that anyone can fix things. Lack of expectations means lack of disappointment. And so they go out with their friends, they enjoy the beauty around them, good food and good friends and family. They know how to soothe themselves through human connections. Italians learned centuries ago that work is work and family is family. They do not mistake one for the other. Love and work are truly the basis of our humanness. We need both.
